Mechanical Engineering Jokes

It’s summertime! It’s hot outside! It’s a great time for relaxing. And what better way to relax than to sit back and enjoy some jokes. But we believe in staying on-topic here at Cad Crowd, so strap yourself into your chucklepants because we’re coming at you with some heavy-duty mechanical engineering jokes!

Exact Measurements

A woman walks by two mechanical engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up with puzzled faces. She approaches them to ask what they’re doing.

“We’re supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” says one, “but we don’t have a ladder.”

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, “Eighteen feet, six inches,” and walked away.

The second engineer scoffed. “Ain’t that just like a woman? We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

Education

Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said “2.”

Now, I’d say “I’m pretty sure it’s 2, but we’d better make it 3 just to be safe.”

Hippocratic Oaf

What’s the difference between a doctor and an engineer?

A doctor kills people one at a time.

The Talking Frog

An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.”

He bends over, picks up the frog, but instead of kissing it, he puts it in his pocket. The frog, perplexed, upped the ante. “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one month.” The engineer took the frog out again, considered it, but put it back again into his pocket.

The frog, growing desperate, cries out, “If you kiss me and turn me back, I’ll do whatever you say!” Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it, and puts it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asks, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?”

The engineer says, “Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool!”

Hunting Trip

An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist go on a hunting trip. After several hours in the bush, they spot a buck, and they each take a turn trying to shoot the animal.

The physicist goes first. He calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. The bullet falls 20m short of the deer.

The engineer goes second. She pulls out his engineer’s pad and book of projectile assumptions. After a few minutes, she takes aim and fires. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer.

The statistician triumphantly shouts “We got it!”

Different Worldviews

To an optimist, the glass is half full.

To a pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To an engineer, the glass has a Factor of Safety of 2.0

Pragmatism

Conventional wisdom: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Engineering wisdom: If it ain’t broke, consider adding more features

Civil Vs. Mechanical

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

What Kind of Engineer is God?

Three engineering students were out drinking one night and determined that God must be an engineer, because of the design of the human body.

The first student, a mechanical engineer, said “God must be a mechanical engineer! Look at all the joints!”

The second disagreed, saying “No no, look at the electrical connections in the nervous system! God is an electrical engineer, like me!”

The last one said, “No, God is clearly a civil engineer. Who else would route toxic waste right through a recreational area?”

So there you go! Do have any other mechanical engineering jokes to share? Let us know in the comments!

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